scarlett

andaerialoves @ 2006-02-19T02:16:00

2006-02-19T02:17:18Z

As to people stealing my photographs,
personal pictures,
writings,
and numerous other things
I will no longer be using this journal.

I will, however, still be writing.
You can find me at http://www.livejournal.com/users/doyoumissmetoo

It's friends only

Takecare everybody
love you,
Scarlett

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-07T23:37:00

2006-01-07T23:38:03Z

“What are the names of the flowers in your garden?

…And when did you forget the hours in between winter and spring?”

But I can’t remember, not a Lily or a Lisianthus, the way they bend in blindness to the sun. Stop thinking and forget to love. Tommorow, you said, would be better.

- Julia Fullerton-Batten
Julia Fullerton-Batten.com
Portfolio

Thankyou to everyone who left me a comment from last entry,
I’m feeling a lot better – I took your advice and spent time with two of my favourite people.

Isobel and Icecream

How incredibly intense

Nancy :)

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-07T01:00:00

2006-01-07T01:02:12Z

In all honesty, I don’t really know.
For the past two days my whole body feels removed and replaced and I keep remembering but they’re not even memories - these phone calls and conversations and moments that don’t exist. My body went into convulsions last night and for an hour I could not stop shaking, my mum, who is a nurse, tried everything, I just wanted to sleep, but sleep is hard enough. And then I don’t know, maybe it is just January nights but I can’t seem to stop crying at these memories that don’t exist.
In all honesty, I don’t really know.
But today you should have seen me, dancing and singing.
What happened between those hours? I thought.
And those feelings that sit inanimate inside of me, that I could never explain or understand but could feel, seem to be so much more vivid. As if they them selves are starting to live. This isn’t making sense at all.
I guess that might be the point.

I just looked out of my window and realised I don’t know any of my neighbours.

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-05T23:55:00

2006-01-05T23:56:40Z

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-05T14:50:00

2006-01-05T14:51:01Z

I miss the summer
I miss sunlight on my skin in the morning time
And walking home with the sky all pink

And everyone free and light

come home

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-03T18:53:00

2006-01-03T18:53:50Z

It can be so easy to pretend that you have no one that cares about you
And that you are so entirely alone
Because it’s easier
I think we are scared of letting ourselves go
As if we’re giving up or giving in
But maybe we should, just for once.

I left college early today. And found myself lining each fingertip against the other while looking at the winter trees from the train window. I bought myself a new book and waited at the bus stop with cold wrists and three cigarettes. Walking home with the rain and the orange street lamps, I thought to myself “Who am I?”

And then you say it back to yourself hours later, and the only thing left,
Is why did I ask?
What matter is it now?

Too many questions today,
I’m going to go and fix myself dinner.

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-02T20:07:00

2006-01-02T20:07:25Z

(Where is my Eiffel Tower? Where is my Hamlet?)

Somedays it is better just to stay in bed

I think we should all close our eyes at the exact same time, and then maybe
just maybe.

andaerialoves @ 2006-01-02T16:11:00

2006-01-02T16:13:50Z

“I like my body when it is with your body.”

Sometimes I have no motivation, and just having the energy
To get up the stairs to find your bed and to sleep
Is something rare.

And we hang by a thread until we break
with the wind and we pretend that we're birds
where we fly like dead leaves

Here I am, you’ve found me.

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-30T22:18:00

2005-12-30T22:18:37Z

- Amy Cutler

- Jessica Williams

- Will Simpson

- Rui Tenreiro

Oh dear I am awfuly tired
and my little legs just can't carry me

One more day left of this year
and I have no reseloutions or
promises

Everything and Love, xo

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-29T00:10:00

2005-12-29T00:11:57Z

“Are you tired darling?”

“Are you holding on for the right time, trying so hard to fall for something you can’t even feel, let alone touch?”

“You must be tired darling.”

I’ll be in the pavement café, Clapham common, downstairs, at three o’clock tomorrow (well today).
Come have tea with me.

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-28T14:37:00

2005-12-28T14:38:06Z

we are all colours
we are all colours
we are all colours

three places you should go to
1
2
3

three songs you should have played to you
1
2
3

three people you should want to sleep next to
1
2
3

(now tell me yours)

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-27T19:22:00

2005-12-27T19:22:21Z

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-26T22:37:00

2005-12-26T22:41:20Z

Monday was the day she followed him home. Along the way she watched the aeroplanes and how the smoke lines were born and lived and died just like your fathers and your mothers and your sisters and your brothers.
He walked slow and she pretended they were in a silent film.
The colour of his hair and neck in black and white. Just to hold a grey hand and to kiss a grey mouth.
He did not stop walking, she did not stop following. He walked her into the Amazon.
Where no planes and smoke lines could ever be seen.
And when Tuesday didn’t come, everything
Everything
Was forever

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-26T16:48:00

2005-12-26T16:49:07Z

Little moments
Where silence is seeing
And feeling
Is everything

always

For days I’ve been trying to comprehend two thousand and five,
And where I fit in-between all those numbers.
There was love and then there wasn’t.
I guess my hearts grown to places I couldn’t have imagined,
I guess each year is just another ring on a tree.

For new years I’ going to a pirate party, which means eye patches and moustaches
What’s everybody else doing?

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-24T14:36:00

2005-12-24T14:38:11Z

Half seven

I haven’t slept for nineteen and a half hours. When I was going to bed last night, my sister started talking about everything. So I went to the bathroom took off my clothes and laid in the bath then washed my hair. I tried to go asleep, but just couldn’t fall. I saw the sunrise, I swear for the first time and the colour of the light changed everything.

Even if everything is something,
Even if it’s an anything.

It’s now two thirty three
I fell asleep for maybe an hour or two
Everything in between these bones and nerves. It’s like grey matter, that I can’t touch.
But I can feel it – more than anything

love

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-23T20:36:00

2005-12-23T20:46:47Z

Hello Stranger,
My computer's been broken since forever, and we've just had to reboot it.
Which means I've lost all my writing, art and music that I had on here,
so if anybody would like to send me a christmas present in some form of uploaded music
I would be much obliged!

I've been thinking alot recently, more then ever maybe,
I've been letting go alot of things. Things that we keep really close to ourselves, that you don't want anybody else to know - to hold. But if you hold things so tight, your fingers will hurt, and eventually you just have to drop it. And for a moment, I was entirely happy.
Just this afternoon infact. Walking through the common with Jonathan, talking about everything.
And then when I came home. Everything started again.
My dad might have lung cancer. My sister threatened to leave home and go back to leeds before christmas. My oldest brother denying his existence again. He does this every year, as today is his twenty seventh birthday. His birthday was the first time he tried to commit suicide, a couple of years ago, he tried to hang himself in battersea park.
I guess each birthday for him is a reminder of this, of whatever he is feeling inside.

Everything starts and begins again over and over again,
Like a concertina.

I'm sorry for this depressing post,
I hope everyone is good and well

Christmas wishes and Love
Scarlett

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-18T18:51:00

2005-12-18T19:03:27Z

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a far better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for eachother: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

-ee cummings

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-17T20:02:00

2005-12-17T20:02:42Z

Recently I’ve found it really hard to think,
Sometimes I just want to escape myself.
And just live like a part of something.
Does that make sense? I don’t know.

I’ve been listening to The Beatles all day and dancing around pretending it’s nineteen sixty five again. I almost wish it were.
Sometimes I find it hard accepting I’m a product of my society.

I feel like all I produce is just endless mass, of paper, and paint and drawing
and it's just a huge waste, everything you can touch,
I don't care for concrete nouns

We should remember the abstract nouns

The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun

What’s on everyone’s Christmas wish list?
I’m hoping for poetry and perfume.

I might take myself for a walk now.
With Love

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-14T02:20:00

2005-12-14T02:21:06Z

Brick Lane

I feel like long conversations with anyone. And bumping into a stranger and them changing your life forever without realising. I guess this is the comfort I find in reading Murakami. All the little chance meetings and glances and knowing nods, and they will change everything,
a jamais.

On the train I often find myself somewhere between thinking and dreaming. Imagining the person I am to full in love with has just got on the carriage, and I’ll drop my hat and he’ll pick it up. And everytime, I always think to myself, I miss him. But how can you miss someone you haven’t met? Someone you don’t know even exists?
Is there something inside us that will never be complete?
I think on Saturday I will take myself out to every little café I know in London and just give myself up to fate.

Jose Gonzalez - Hand on your heart (Kylie cover)

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-12T22:11:00

2005-12-12T22:12:02Z

Open Letter

Come home. Where there are bodies colliding and making and building something bigger then love. All the time that you spend in the night between dusk and dawn and you’re wondering, and grasping and trying to hold onto nothing. With your nothing in the palm of your hands, making them heavy. Drop it on the floor like summer and come home.

We’re standing so benign
Lets run away.

I’m being commissioned to paint a portrait of Dolly Parton (!) for LulaMag
and then it might be exhibited in Brixton (!)
I am more then ecstatic
My first magazine at sixteen!

Takecare
and with love
and goodnight
and sleep tight
and don't let the bed bugs bite

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-11T21:48:00

2005-12-11T21:52:47Z

Margaret Atwood,
you fit into me
like a hook into an eye

a fish hook
an open eye

Wake Up Wake Up

I remember being five and laying down on the grass thinking to myself I will never feel this happy.
And I don't think I ever have.

(Where is your happiest memory?)

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-11T20:09:00

2005-12-11T20:09:14Z

The sunlight had broken out just like a war. A battle field of colours slept in the sky, but our ears were just empty silence. And we found our bodies tied in knots. Your arms across the small of my back. My hair brushing against your Adams apple.
There are places I can take myself. Far back inside my thoughts. With you, I am two. Without you, I am nought.
Forever, we’ll walk in the small silence of yesterday’s morning. We try, endlessly, but the words fall and drop like cadavers onto the ground.
Maybe each day is a passing hope; our heart fails us each time.
Because we share hearts, like the winter and the summer shares the sun.

Everything for feeling.

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-10T16:32:00

2005-12-10T16:32:13Z

All we want is to be two

I’ve found myself in some kind of corner. I think after breaking up with George I’ve been clutching at any type of relationship I can form. I guess I miss intimacy, warmth and love. I miss the line you draw from yourself to somebody else, and having that line, and holding on real tight. And so now I’ve found my self in this purely sexual relationship, and it’s not what I want at all really. When I’m there, I’m not in love, at times, most times, I don’t even like him. But having someone to hold me for the night, makes me feel so incredibly safe, and that for once everything is ok. But then in the morning I just feel hollow and

I wish we were all silent.
And that we were all just lines that couldn’t be tied.

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-08T15:09:00

2005-12-08T15:09:23Z

Winter Songs

Berg Sans Nipple - A New Soul
MiAndLau - Older
The Microphones - Ice
Yann Teirsen - Plus D'hiver
Exlosions In The Sky - Your hand In Mine
Final Fantasy - Peach Plum Pear (Joanna Newsom cover)
Vincent Gallo - Cracks

I've been watching the sky for about two hours now, and it's cold outside
(so cold my breath looks like tiny grey blood cells joining and then fading)
but if you look very closely you can see the colours change and birds fly home.
Maybe tommorow.

I just want bed sheets and blankets and somebody to share them with
Takecare

(PS I know I hold my pen funny, I can't help it xo)

andaerialoves @ 2005-12-04T20:06:00

2005-12-04T20:06:40Z

I give my love to the summer and the flowers
And I give my love to the mothers and the fathers.

I really miss the ocean,
Every night when I go to sleep the trains and buses sound just like waves,
Sometimes the sky is so big, it makes me feel safe though, that everyone I care about is safely contained underneath it.

I’ve had an odd weekend. Saturday I was suppose to go to a cocktail party on a riverboat, but I came over very ill and didn’t go. It was good that I didn’t go in the end, as my oldest brother had quite a bad turn and had to be arrested by the police, so I looked after my little brothers in my parent’s room and played them nice records and made Christmas cards.
Then today Me, Nancy, Celia, Richard and Clive went to Camden. Which I haven’t been to for ages and reminds me of being thirteen every time I go. We saw Graham Coxon and he gave Me and Nancy a hug and shook Clive’s hand. Then two camera men asked me if they could film me smoking, I thinks it’s for ITN news. Then we had tea and bought winter jumpers. I fell in love with the market stool man. He was French and we talked about The Black Keys (!) after when we were eating noodles he gave us a smile and a wave.
Awh.
That was my weekend, how was yours?

(PS, I’m really sorry to everyone who’s been calling/texting me, I have a new phone number and just ask for it)

LALALALOVE, scarlett